I’d always had a pretty active social life. And when friends were busy, I had no problems dining solo or doing fun things around my city by myself.

While most of my Grief work was remote, prior to the pandemic, I was also a Yoga teacher and Doula who saw no less than 10 clients per week.

I hadn’t been married long before I left him. Before meeting J, I had lived alone for a long time in Miami. Before Miami, I’d lived alone in NYC. I’m an only child. I really thought I LOVED being myself.

Until I was by myself. On an island. With no clients to see in person, no classes to teach, no friends to meet up with and no distractions. I completely fell apart.

I realized quickly, I was grieving and I was going to have to get through it alone.

I was grieving America, this country that I’d called home but when I traveled across it, I saw in its reflection that there was no space for me and my Blackness.

I was grieving the friendships that didn’t survive the Civil Rights Movement.

I was grieving the life I had planned with this man and the knowing that none of it was going to happen like I’d imagined.

I was grieving my parents. Something about leaving the states, made their death feel realer than it had before. (if that’s even possible)

And I could feel the fear inside of me. Eager to take over and stop me from moving forward because this was all too new and what the hell was I even doing?!

And so for the first 2 months, I didn’t leave the property I was renting. I literally never walked out of the front gate. I needed to figure out what had just happened to me. I needed to breathe deeply. I needed rest and to hug my dog. I bought mason jars and started blending teas again. I listened to Light Language and stopped listening to mainstream music. (you should research what frequencies are being used in MM and why) I watched sunrises and walked under moonshine.

In short, I reset my nervous system. I had to take time to meet the new me before I met this new island and this new journey. I also cried like a baby. It was the hard, until it wasn’t, and then it was beautiful and I was calm again.